Drama rises to new level for Vikings
Just when you think it can't get any more chaotic for the Minnesota Vikings, it did on Monday.
Future Hall of Fame wide receiver Randy Moss was let go by the Vikings - adding to the list of bedlam that has made our beloved Purple the most publicized 2-5 team in the history of the NFL.
The national media has swarmed on Winter Park all season as if it was the paparazzi tracking down Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson. The Vikings defensive linemen only wish they had that much aggressiveness.
The melodramatic season has been suited more for the National Enquirer, not Sports Illustrated. Let us count the sensational examples that started before the disastrous season even began:
Brett Favre texts some Vikings teammates that he's going to retire. Three Vikings, including defensive end Jared Allen, convince Favre to play one more season. If you count that as a quarterback sack, Allen has two for the season.
Favre evidently didn't learn that texting is kind of a public thing. Two years ago, he allegedly texted a New York Jets team hostess messages and photos suggesting he's nowhere near retirement age. The NFL is now investigating.
Favre gets together with someone he can actually make a pass at when the Vikings traded a third-round pick for Moss. Viking fans rejoice, "Lead us to the promised land" - mistakenly thinking it's Moses, not Moss.
Looking as grizzled as Moses, Favre and the Vikings kept the world in suspense once again last week. To start or not to start, that was the question for last Sunday's game in New England. Even though we all knew the answer, the media covered the ordeal as closely as the Chilean miners rescue.
"He's alive, he's alive," Sunday NFL commentators proclaimed at halftime, sounding a lot like Gene Wilder in the movie "Young Frankenstein."
But he looked dead late in the game when he was carted off the field with an eight-stitch gash on his chiseled chin. And when the game ended with yet another loss, the Vikings' season looked dead.
But it came to life once again when Moss told the media that he wasn't going to answer any more questions - unless he asked the questions himself.
The Viking soap opera got even higher ratings when Moss whined that Viking coaches ignored his insight about the Patriots and he questioned head coach Brad Childress about going for a touchdown instead of a field goal.
Now, Viking players and fans are livid that Childress let Moss go. Soap-opera writers couldn't ask for a better script.
And the 2-5 Vikings couldn't ask for any more publicity. Then again, Moss might hold his own press conference.
"Randy, how do feel about being put on waivers?" asks Moss.
"Here's my response to that," answers Moss, who sticks his behind in the air.
"Randy, did you quit on the Vikings or did the Vikings quit on you?" asks Moss.
"What kind of question is that?" answers Moss, so perturbed with his own question, he squirts himself with his own water bottle.
"Randy, as the best wide receiver since the beginning of time, do you think another team will pick you up?" Moss asks.
"Great question, man," answers Moss, blushing from his own praise. "Let me put it this way, man: This Vikings camp is 'Another World.' They're not the 'Young and the Restless,' they are the 'Old and the Restless.' 'As the World Turns,' I will rely on the 'Guiding Light' to lead me to the 'Days of Our Lives.' "