Several years ago, I told my children that when they grew up, they could not make me a grandmother until I was ready. Well, two years ago the time came, and it did not happen on my terms. My request was not granted.
When my daughter called to tell me she was expecting a baby, I stayed silent for a minute, then congratulated her. We talked about the months coming her way till the birth of her son. After our call, I felt disoriented and confused about my feelings. An "Oh my God!" moment came over me.
Images of my child as an infant and a little girl were flashing in my mind. Because of personal circumstances, I was not present in her life since she was seven years old. We missed out on a lot of things together, but kept in touch after she became a beautiful and independent young woman.
Now, she was the one giving life. I cried a lot that day, wrestling with guilt, regrets, excitement and pride. I also could not get used to the idea of being a "grandma," and am still struggling with this new identity. After all, I am young and restless, trying to figure out who I will be when I grow up.
Another milestone in our lives. They are the blessings of destiny, but they can be bittersweet. I realize how things can change in the blink of an eye. It is the natural cycle of our life on earth, yet those events can broadside a person. I am grateful to her for this ultimate gift.
Little by little, this reality is sinking in, and instead of feeling "old," I am taking this opportunity to share with my daughter, my wisdom and experience. And yes, as my child, she is helping me grow up and create new memories.