Thankfully these embarrassing stories never needed to be told
When I first started writing this column, I was pretty paranoid about whether I'd be able to find material every week. I figured I would have to fall back on writing about my friends' most embarrassing moments -- like the time when Cassy walked into a parking meter on our trip to New York City and apologized to it before Kaddi and I, amidst relentless laughter, pointed out that it was inanimate and probably not too upset by the encounter -- and I'd lose all my pals attempting to keep this space filled and anyone who might read it entertained.
Speaking of Cassy, I can't remember the horrifically humiliating story that accompanied it, but I recall the ending narration from one of her clumsier moments, and it's just too good not to tell people about: "I hit my head, bit my lip, fell on my bum." Fill it in with your own awkward series of events and enjoy a good chuckle.
Anyhow, thanks to the multitudes of exciting, enraging, tragic, ridiculous, and generally interesting events going on in the world, I haven't had to rely on embarrassing my friends by writing about the time when Rachel was driving down the highway between the hundreds of reflectors that lined it, and gasped in fear when she finally noticed them and thought one was alive.
I also never had to mention that Rachel walked straight into a screen door at a musical cast party.
Or that Morgan tore a ligament in her foot when she ran into a wall.
Or that I kind of believed her when she said she did it skydiving.
All in all, I'm glad there were plenty of other things to write about over the past year, because it would be a shame to lose a friend over something as silly as telling people that Kaddi tried to spell 'cloud' with a 'k' (this was in high school, folks).
She also spelled her name wrong.
And one time, when Aaron was tickling Emma, she got her toe caught in her pants and did a less-than-graceful face-plant into the ground. Oh, how we laughed!
On another mortifying occasion, she tripped over grass. Yep. Grass.
It would also be tragic if Paige were to get mad at me for writing about the time in Spanish when Cassy said, "Raul es muy estupido," (Raul is very stupid) and Paige responded with, "A mi tambien" (me too).
Or if Cassy were to stop talking to me over the time when we were reviewing parliamentary procedure for student congress, and Cassy stretched both her arms up while explaining negative/affirmative speeches, revealing that her sweater had been collecting strands of hair in her armpits all day long. It was hilarious.
It's probably for the best that I didn't have to use any of those stories, because then they might have retaliated and written in about the time we were at a speech meet and I walked through the bathroom door and straight into the stall's wall. Or the several occasions on which I've slammed my foot in the car door. Or last week when I left the whiteboard I'd just gotten for my dorm in a shopping cart in the parking lot at Target in Moorhead. Or the bump that currently resides on my forehead from when I hit it on the underside of a rocking chair.
That could be embarrassing.
Still, I'm probably not going to tell anyone I meet at school that I have a newspaper column back home. Just in case college is dull and there's nothing else to write about. They don't need to know.
Thressa Johnson graduated from Detroit Lakes High School and attends Concordia College in Moorhead.