The vegetarian's oath, in song
It had been the tradition that this column offers 50 possible New Year's resolutions each year about this time for our readers to choose any 10 for self improvement purposes. Then we realized the level of our readers is so high there is no room for self improvement. So last year we offered 50 self-indulgent resolutions. The most popular seemed to be this one: "Go for a canoe ride with a kid and let the kid do the paddling."
This year we offer no resolutions. However, for anyone considering a resolution to become a vegetarian in 2011, we offer the Vegetarian's Oath. Two vegetarians have blossomed in our family during the past year and the rest of us observed their dedication and discipline during the holidays. What a time to be a vegetarian. We saluted them with the song that follows -- sung to the tune of Camp Granada (you know, Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah ... the original tune is from Ponchielli's "Dance of the Hours").
No more pork chops, no more turkey
No more hot dogs, no beef jerky
No more liver, no more lamb chops
No more spare ribs, ham, spam or pork hocks.
No more bacon, no more drummies
No more meat loaf, no pork yummies
No more eating birds, fish or mammals
No more donkeys, dogs, cats, mules or camels.
I eat cabbage, lettuce, peas, tomatoes
Rudabegga, beets and mashed potatoes
I eat carrots to make my eye balls twinkle
And asparagus to bring odor to my tinkle.
Feed me beans: navy, kidney, pinto
I love beans: yellow, green or lentil
I love grains: barley, oats and millet
Here's my bushel basket go ahead and fill it.
Will I cheat? Oh never never
Take my word, I wouldn't ever
I'll eat acorns if necessary
Or just a seed or just a berry
Pork and beans but please remove the pork
I'll eat with spoons and never need a fork
I took my oath and I'll stick to it
Don't feed me meat 'cause I won't chew it.
No more Big Macs, no more Arby's
No more Subway, no more Hardee's
No more sausage, no baloney
I'll eat brussel sprouts and macaroni.
No more walleye, no more catfish
No more goulash, no more hotdish
No more frog legs, no escargot
Just the veggies I can find in Fargo.
There you have the Vegetarian's Oath. It is not intended to either encourage or discourage you, just something to chew on as you consider your New Year's resolutions.