Ladies provide neutral environment for struggling families

When Jeanne Mercer left her job as assistant director of the Lakes Crisis & Resource Center in Detroit Lakes, it was mainly because she needed more time to spend with her family.

With a job that required her to work between 50 and 60 hours a week, it left her little time to deal with her increasing responsibilities as a caretaker for her parents.

“I was going to work part-time,” she said.

So it’s somewhat ironic that, as a partner in the Family Resource Center, Inc., Mercer often finds herself working as many hours in a week as she did at the crisis center.

The difference, Mercer noted, is that she and partner Vicki Bedford are able to set their own schedule.

“I really do work about 50 hours a week,” she said.

But because much of that work can be done at home, or after hours, “I can arrange my schedule to go to school programs and go to doctor’s appointments with my dad,” Mercer added.

A wife and mother of two grown children, she and her husband Jim also have eight grandchildren.

“I’m really family oriented,” she said. “That’s what makes this job so fun — it’s all about families.

“It’s wonderful. I feel blessed.”

When she started the Family Resource Center almost six years ago — they will celebrate their sixth anniversary in May — Mercer said her initial goal “was to be able to provide affordable mediation services for families having conflict.”

She knew the need was there, both through her work at the crisis center and through conversations with local attorneys, who said such a service was much needed.

“There were a lot of families that really just needed mediation (to resolve their conflicts), but it was so expensive they wouldn’t do it,” Mercer said. “After working at the crisis center and seeing all these families in crisis, I thought, this is crazy.”

So she went through the training to be what is known as a “qualified neutral,” and set up her business by charging an initial mediation fee of $60 an hour, that could be split between the parties involved.

“We felt most mediations are two or three hours at the most,” she explained, and most parties involved in those conflicts could afford a rate of $30 an hour, or less depending on the number of family members involved.

That rate has only increased about $10 an hour, or $35 for each party, since the business started six years ago, Mercer added.

Some of the mediation work the center has done includes divorces where the parents were having difficulty resolving custody issues; and situations where families with aging parents, whose health needs made it impossible for them to continue to care for themselves, could not reach a mutual agreement on what would be the best caretaking solution for their parents.

Mercer found a kindred spirit in Bedford, who became her partner in the Family Resource Center about three months after she started. The two of them, along with one more staff support person, gradually began to expand their services as well.

“Becker County asked us if we would be interested in contracting with them to do the family group decision making program,” Mercer said. “That’s where children who are at risk of being placed outside the home. We bring the service providers and families together to create a family friendly plan.”

If the child is not going to be able to go back to the parents eventually, the goal is to try to place them with another family member, she explained.

Through this program, Mercer added, “We work with Becker, Otter Tail, Wadena, Norman and Todd counties, under one grant managed by Becker County.”

After taking on this program, Mercer and Bedford were eventually asked to contract with Becker County for two additional programs as well — the relative search program, and the foster-to-adopt program.

“As soon as kids are pulled from their homes, we begin a relative search, so they can be placed with family as soon as possible,” said Mercer, explaining one of the programs that the center handles for Becker County.

The other is the foster-to-adopt program, which aims “to find permanent homes for children in foster care,” she said.

The grant funding they received for administering the foster-to-adopt program also allows them to help license families who want to become foster parents, but need some simple home repairs or other minor improvements to the home environment.

“We can help the family with some of those expenses, so it’s not a barrier for them being licensed,” Mercer explained.

“Then Vicki and I both took the training to be parenting time expediters,” she continued.

What that means is that she or Bedford is able to act as a neutral party in situations where the court has ordered mediation for parents “who have a huge challenge communicating with each other regarding visitation issues,” she added.

After adding all these services to their repertoire, “that part-time (job) wasn’t in the cards for me,” Mercer said a little ruefully.

Though they do some of their work from home, the Family Resource Center also has an office that includes two mediation rooms, and a larger group room that can handle larger meetings. Their work also occasionally involves trips to the Twin Cities to facilitate meetings, Mercer added.

Mediation meetings are often scheduled after hours, or on weekends. “Our goal is to make these meetings work around the families’ schedules,” she said. “We really try to focus everything on the family and meeting their needs.”

Meetings are also held “in a non-blaming, non-shaming, non-judging atmosphere,” Mercer added.

Some families will bring along a minister, or a tribal elder to assist with their spiritual needs as well.

“Family culture is very important to us,” Mercer said.

What does she find most fulfilling about her work?

“It’s all about the kids,” she said. What she tells the parents involved in these mediation meetings is, “I don’t care if you like me or not, I’m going to advocate for your kids.”

It’s definitely more than an occupation, it’s an avocation as well.

“It keeps us really busy,” Mercer said. “We have a support staff person who helps a lot, but Vicki and I stay on the go.”

But it also has its perks, she added.

“I feel so blessed every day, to be able to get up and go do this kind of work,” she said.

And it also leaves her plenty of time to be a caretaker for her father — who takes an active interest in her work as well, Mercer said.

“It’s wonderful. There are frustrations, as there is in everything, but… these people are really going through a lot. They’re challenged in so many ways. Being able to build trust and maybe take some of those challenges away, it’s pretty rewarding. I haven’t had a day when I really didn’t want to go to work.”

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