NATHAN KITZMANN
Future generation shows how life changes
The kids are not all right. Not mine, anyway. A few short days ago — when it was my friends giving birth to all the mutilated children, I had great faith in the future of mankind. But not now, not since my wife gave birth, not since Ernie — my horribly mutilated son — came into my life.By Nathan Kitzmann , March 10, 2010
The Zamboni: Some wheels weren’t meant to be reinvented
The story would be comical if it weren’t true. The ice was too rough to skate on, so they brought in the Olympia — a cheaper, less ugly Zamboni rip-off — to take care of the problem. It didn’t work, so they tried another one. Still, no love. Finally, after three Olympia machines didn’t do the job, they had had a Zamboni trucked 300 miles across Canada from Calgary.By Nathan Kitzmann , March 03, 2010
Master Time: Dictates everything from when to get up to when we die 
There are two things that most Winter Olympics games have in common — they involve sliding action of some sort and they pit the contestants not against each other, but against the clock, against time.
Time is our master, and it rules with an iron fist. It tells us when to wake up and when to sleep, when to arrive and when to leave, when to be born and when to die. Time has dirty tricks, cruel punishments in store for anyone who tries to undermine his harsh rule.
By Nathan Kitzmann , February 24, 2010
500 ‘friends’ later, a social life is born
I used to go to school, I used to “have a life,” I used to be a contributing member of this dull, lifeless place you fools call society.
Then I discovered Facebook.
By Nathan Kitzmann , February 17, 2010
Super Bowl = America
Baseball may be the American Pastime, but the Super Bowl is America itself ... condensed to two and a half hours of screaming madness, senseless violence, and in-your-face commercialism.
By Nathan Kitzmann , February 10, 2010
You don’t have to ‘make it’ to succeed
Barnes and Noble is more than just a squat grey building of one story. It is the sole redeeming aspect of Fargo, North Dakota.
By Nathan Kitzmann , February 03, 2010
Thanks to televangelist, columnist sees the light
I’m not normally one for televangelists and what they have to say, but when I glanced at the TV on my way to study for finals one evening, there was something about Reverend Ole Josteen that kept me interested.
By Nathan Kitzmann , January 27, 2010
The haves and the have-nots
I woke up this morning, rolled out of the same bed that I sleep in every night, drank the same two cups of coffee out of the same “World’s Best Grandpa” mug that I use every morning, and regarded the day with the same unerring optimism that accompanies the start of every day.
By Nathan Kitzmann , January 20, 2010
Finger to the eye: Contacts help see things in a different light
I have always recognized the necessity of eyes to see and am grateful for them to that extent, but the thought of eyeballs themselves have always made me feel squeamish and uncomfortable. This phobia of mine first manifested itself in third grade.
By Nathan Kitzmann , January 13, 2010
Finding that sunny side, inside
I noticed the halls were a little quieter than usual upon my return to school Monday, following two weeks of Christmas break.
By Nathan Kitzmann , January 06, 2010
Dead car equals job search
I’ve been on a downward financial spiral for several years now — in fact, at one point I was desperate enough to (unsuccessfully) ask Congress for a personal bailout, thinking myself more deserving than some corrupt car company. But I didn’t actually hit rock bottom, truly dire straits, until a recent event in my life I now refer to as The Epiphany.
By Nathan Kitzmann , December 30, 2009
The one constant: Cast iron stove in the corner
He does nothing but consume our resources and sit in the corner and smoke. But he’s warm and friendly and kind of interesting, so we let him stick around.
By Nathan Kitzmann , December 23, 2009
Escaping winter— if only for dinner
The cold months are in full swing now. A freeze has descended upon us that is so deep, so inhumanely intense, that it seems to bypass the body and wreak its damage directly on the soul.
By Nathan Kitzmann , December 16, 2009
Flannel: The comfort fashion style
From bearded north woodsmen to hard-working farmers to hoboes brown-bagging it under the bridge, flannel has a long history of being the clothing choice of the working class, downtrodden, and rebellious.
By Nathan Kitzmann , December 09, 2009
Christmases past lead to hope for tomorrow
‘Tis the Season.
My dad just brought home the tree yesterday: a 10-footer with decent foliage and a nice straight trunk. I was well-pleased, especially when I thought back on some earlier years, and some of the other trees we have had standing in our office.
By Nathan Kitzmann , December 02, 2009
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