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Goeun Park: The wild excitement of one Saturday

The day I got this column gig, I was bouncing on cloud nine.

For one, this was my first “real” job, and getting paid to do things was a terrifically novel concept. Here was my chance to show the world (or Detroit Lakes and the surrounding area) how dashingly funny and clever I was!

This would be my ticket to fame and glory and a Nobel Prize in Literature. My unbridled enthusiasm was overwhelming enough to magically cure pneumonia. People must have thought Google hired me for life because it basically went down like this.

Me: “I got this job at the newspaper and EVERYTHING IS NICE and I get to write THINGS and did I mention that everything is just the nicest, AHHH—”

Random Person Who Is Not Me: “What are you going to write about?”

Me: “Oh, y’know. Things. Like my life.”

Person: “Your life?”

I wish I could do justice in transcribing the tone of mixed amusement and pity onto paper but being articulate isn’t really my forte.

Yes, my life. I have a super interesting life, thanks. I don’t just sit and drink green tea and watch Spanish soap operas all day long, I do things. Interesting things, like drinking pomegranate tea and watching Korean soap operas. If that isn’t the epitome of trend-setting, I don’t know what is.

But in all seriousness, I lead a pretty uneventful life 95 percent of the time. Today, when someone asked me where the most interesting place I’ve traveled to was, I blurted Iowa. Iowa, the state of corn and more corn.

I have embarrassingly little conversation-worthy travel experience for someone with wanderlust; the furthest west I’ve ever been to is Wyoming, the furthest east is Illinois, and the most interesting is apparently West Bend, Iowa.

Still, I am determined to detail my dreary existence to all you innocent readers, so here it is. This is the first (and hopefully last) installment of “A Somewhat Usual Saturday In the Life of Goeun Park”!

8 a.m. — Try to wake up.

8:15 a.m. — Try to wake up again.

9:20 a.m. — Actually wake up.

10 a.m. — Go buy donuts at Central Market for brunch because they have the best donuts. The whole time, secretly relish in the glorious fact that I can go buy donuts by myself because I’ve been a licensed driver for over two weeks now. Yay for burning fossil fuels!

Noon — Brew a cup of tea and read a chapter of “The Center Cannot Hold” by Elyn Saks for college. Remember that college is a thing that will happen soon and have a mini meltdown. Search for plane tickets back to DL for winter break and cry a little inside at the prices.

2:30 p.m. — Go to a friend’s graduation party because the party and the food never stops when you’re a high school graduate. I’ve been friends with Donna for over five years and last Saturday was the first time I’ve stepped inside her house.

It was also the first time in forever that I tried to converse with a native Spanish speaker. It did not go well. I managed to say, “Hola. Tengo dieciocho años. Menos rápido, ¿por favor? Lo siento, no hablo español bien.” Oh, four years of high school Spanish. You have failed me.

4:45 p.m. — Is it sunny? Go rollerblading. Is it not sunny? Go wish that I could be rollerblading. Lucky for me, the last couple Saturdays have been perfection and I’ve been cruising in my brother’s oversized rollerblades.

Near my house, there’s a paved hill with a wicked turn that my friend April and I are terrified of but our friend Olivia, the daring soul, skates on. She says something in the lines of, “You’re either going to end up splattered on the pavement or you’re going to be fine.” I go for it. I end up fine.

6 p.m. — Pay $8 to watch a movie because I’m sure I can pay for plane tickets with my tears.

8:15 p.m. — Go grocery shopping with April and Olivia because we are adults and use a paper bag to hold our avocados. Make dinner and exclaim, “We’re not dead yet!” every 30 seconds because creating an edible meal is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

11:15 p.m. — Finish writing a two page letter to my college faculty adviser that basically says I have no idea what I’ll be majoring in college, just that it’d be either Molecular Biology, History, Astronomy, or Gender & Women’s Studies or 13 other subjects. Decide that for now, that is good enough.

And there you have it, a very exciting Saturday fit for a very exciting person. (That’s me, if you’re still wondering.) After writing this column, it occurs to me that doing exciting things all day long can be pretty tiring. Maybe next Saturday, I’ll just stay at home, drink tea, and watch Amélie.