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Christopher Damlo column: Curse of the video game

I have been afflicted with another ruthless addiction. Along with caffeine, sleep, show tunes, classical music and penguin hunting, I have now become (yet again) consumed with the mind numbing, mind melting, brain bashing pastime of video games.

Unfortunately for me, I have absolutely no time for this activity. Between homework, drama practice, all-city choir, life, sleeping, eating and so on and so forth, I do not have the time or the effort to put into my loving electronic friends.

Even now, right this very second, I am being tempted by the Gods of video games. They call to me, and I long to answer their seductive bone-chilling calls. Even my computer betrays me, as it mysteriously has presented a very addictive massive online multilayer game upon itself (it was not me, I swear!).

It's not fair! Why must life be so short? Why must I be involved and care? GAH if only.... If only I were to just stop everything else. What would the consequences be? Maybe I'd be sucked into the game system and gain powers comparable to Poseidon? No...never!

Maybe, I will become a mindless slave to the machines like on the Matrix, only less dramatic and not nearly as cool. Or my grades will suffer and I will not graduate. Decisions, decisions -- life is so hard sometimes. Well, the obvious choice would be to not give in. Continue to fight for justice, peace and not become a zombie.

I know this all sounds a bit melodramatic, however, I assure you it's not. You may laugh at my misfortune, but secretly you feel bad for me, secretly you die a little bit inside when you see a kid addicted to this evil horror. It's like the feeling you get when you see some crotchety old man kick a sleeping puppy with a steel-toed boot (that's horrible, I know). It's that heart-wrenching, in fact, that when I see some poor unfortunate soul suffering as I am, a little piece of my soul falls away into oblivion.

There is no current cure for video game addiction. Although, I am doubling, no tripling, my efforts to find a effective treatment to help the poor souls who have no one else to turn to. When I see a poor kid staring blankly at a fuzzy, static screen, holding a controller and drooling his life away, it only inspires me to work harder.

The only breakthrough I have made is in electroshock therapy. Even then treatment is hardly effective. So I advise everyone to help and observe VGAM (Video Game Addiction Month) coming up in May. All it takes is a penny a day and you can help find a cure for this cancerous epidemic.

In the end, your contribution will make a difference, and someday as a country, we will take down this juggernaut and the world can once again sleep soundly, knowing that yet another epidemic has been squelched by the power of teamwork.

Christopher Damlo is a senior at Detroit Lakes High School.