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Truly missing the hockey season

Have you experienced what it's like to truly miss something? I guess personally I miss a lot of things, but there's a difference between missing something and truly missing something.

Missing something in my opinion is when you reminisce on an occasion or a person, and you'd be happy or satisfied to go back to that moment or see that person.

But truly missing something is different. Truly missing something is when you'd do anything to do that or see that person.

I guess hockey is something I'm starting to truly miss. I decided against playing this year and it wasn't hard to watch tryouts go by (I was always slow to get started and into it and I always dreaded tryouts), but seeing the wisps of snow on the ground, and feeling the cold air brings me back so many years.

Since age 8, I haven't been doing anything else once the snow came, and the weather got cold, and the lake froze, besides hockey.

I'm a real self-conscious person and I always had a hard time with the competitive side of hockey. I've been a goalie since fifth grade, and that position definitely brings a lot of pressure (which I don't handle very well).

Unlike any other position, if you make a mistake, it's displayed for the entire arena to see on the scoreboard. If you win, you get the glory, but if you lose you get the blame, and I worried way too much what my own teammates thought about me, as well as the spectators.

The older I got, the more competitive hockey got for me and less fun I had, but now that I'm not playing, I'm really starting to see how much fun it really was -- even after it got competitive.

I miss the time and commitment, and the feeling of accomplishment. I miss the games and how much fun it was when I had a good game. I miss the traveling and the tournaments, and the hotels (If it weren't for hockey I wouldn't have seen half the places I've been).

And I miss that knot in my stomach an hour before game time that made me want to up and run out of the building, and that feeling after the first save.

The real question is what should I do? I've been out of town a while but I'm coming home soon. I'm stuck between should I deal with my poor decision not to play, or should I suck it up and start 45 days late. I don't know how fair that would be to the guys who have been playing since the start, and I don't know if they'd even let me now (I screwed up pretty bad).

So I guess I have a few days to make my mind up, and on a more positive note -- Lincoln rink will open pretty soon, and if I decide not to play this year there's always Lincoln rink to fall back on, as well as my senior year to play.

Anyway, it's a good lesson on not knowing what you're missing out on until the opportunity is gone.

Jonah Bowe is a junior at Detroit Lakes High School.