Weather Forecast


Quirky & Quotable - Will I ever get to it?

DETROIT LAKES - I am not a shopper per say. I am more of the "mission" kind. I make a list, which I try not to forget, go to the store, get what I want and get out. This procedure is simple enough. I go home with the merchandise, and that is when I am being tested. I wonder how long it's going to take me to get to the article itself without losing control of myself.

First of all, it is wrapped in heavy stapled plastic, which, of course, does not budge when I try to open it by hand, even when I slide my well-manicured nails between the edges. After a few frantic attempts, I grab the scissors and cut right through it, unless the blades are dull. Once the cover is pried open, you would think you could just pull the object out of its container and "Voila"! I have in my hands what I bought. But no! Now I have to undo the plastic ties that hold the whole thing together. The twist kind are easy, but that would not be challenging enough, so instead, the manufacturer puts in some real stiff ones, which require a "chainsaw" to get them loose.

By now I am shaking, sweating and near hysteria. "What's wrong with these people. Don't they want me to enjoy my purchase?"

After a few minutes of wrestling with this job, my merchandise is in my hands, intact, most of the time. I swear some guy is sitting in a little dark room in the back of the factory, plotting how he is going to come up with the most complicated and tedious packaging he can think of so we can get real frustrated trying to get through it.

Naturally, let's not forget the instructions coming with the article. I have a tendency to just read a few key words, and proceed to assemble the whole thing, when I discover that I have more screws than holes or that once done it looks crooked or upside down.

I guess I am not savvy or patient enough to endure this kind of experience, so I solve the problem by force or by asking someone else to do it.