We had watched the Democratic convention and we were watching the Republicans.

Eartha seemed puzzled and kept shaking her head. I could tell she was trying to work something


“What’s on your mind sweetheart?” I asked.

“I can’t figure it out this election.”

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“What can’t you figure out about it?”

“Have you forgotten that way back in 1996 after Bob Dole came out on top of the Iowa Caucus, I told you that Dole would never be elected president because his wife Elizabeth had beautiful legs. And Dole wasn’t elected was he – I called that one nine months in advance, didn’t I?”

“Remember after that every presidential election for many years I have predicted the winner based on the shape of the legs of the wives of the candidates. I pointed out that until the last election, no president’s wife in my lifetime has had even decent legs and therefore I picked the winner by noting that his wife’s legs were – well, not very attractive. But this year, I’m left picking between Melania Trump with legs of a model beauty and the legs of Jill Biden, who you will note has gorgeous legs. My system won’t work in this November’s election.”

“Wait a minute, if your system had worked for the last election, Hillary Clinton, with legs you called “perfect for a pants suit” and that Bill Clinton had legs like stuffed sausages, Hillary should have won by comparison to the Melania Trump legs. What happened?”

“You’ll remember that Hillary actually won the popular vote by 3 million votes, but lost in the Electoral College. It was the Electoral College that fowled up the formula in 2016.”

“My memory is failing me here. I can’t believe your ridiculous system actually ever worked. You’ll have to prove your point to me again. I haven’t noticed anything myself because I don’t look at legs.”

“Then what do you look at mister?”

“Well… you know… that is… why I look at the polls, that’s what I look at. The polls tell me about voter moods, but legs don’t. Let’s look at some of the first ladies of our time. I’ll name the president’s wife and you describe her legs in just a few words.”

Q. “Here we go – Jackie Kennedy?”

A. “Big shin bones, shapeless legs.”

Q. “Lady Bird Johnson?”

A. “Legs the shape of Vietnam with prominent veins along the Ho Chi Minh Trail.”

Q. “Pat Nixon?”

A. “Sticks.”

Q. “Betty Ford?”

A. “Dull, dull, dull.”

Q. “Roselyn Carter?”

A. “Missionary legs.”

Q. “Barbara Bush?”

A. “I hate to sound cruel, but they were pool table legs.”

Q. “And finally, Laura Bush?”

A. “Librarian legs.”

“You can be blunt can’t you? This is all very fascinating but very sexist. If I had made these observations, I’d be stoned by my female fans. Besides, I’ve observed some great librarian legs recently. I don’t believe this stuff. Can I quote you and call it one woman’s observations?”

“You can quote me. But don’t worry, woman readers will recognize a woman’s point of view when they see one. Trust me, but this year, for the first time in many elections, the polls will tell you more than the legs.”