To the editor:
When I first noticed a pile of excrement in the middle of the road on our quiet Detroit Lakes street, I didn’t think much of it. Given the mastodonic size of the droppings I figured someone was just out giving their miniature horse some exercise.
Upon noticing feces in the middle of the street on a few other occasions, it occurred to me that though the droppings were gargantuan in nature, I’d not seen anyone walking an animal larger than a dog through our neighborhood. It also occurred to me that this wasn’t just a case of forgetting a bag, as the instance occurred more than once.
Some time ago, I witnessed a dog being walked down our street. The dog paused and relieved itself in the middle of the road. Despite the small tremor I’m sure was produced from the droppings hitting the ground, the owner didn’t even acknowledge the deposit and continued walking as though nothing happened. I had identified the assailant!
You might be asking, “What harm are a few feces in the middle of the road from one pooch?”
Unfortunately, the dinosauric droppings left behind by this particular dog cause great inconvenience for those who live in the surrounding area. Not only is an unsightly mess produced, but unsuspecting motorists drive through the mess and track it up driveways and into garages, eventually being spread into homes by innocent residents.
Now that we’ve reached the winter months, the sizeable frozen feces of this well-fed dog pose a risk for vehicle suspension and tires of anyone who drives over them. The droppings are also pushed by snow plows (with Herculean effort no doubt) and end up throughout the neighborhood, hidden in snow drifts until spring when they appear again to wreak havoc in the neighborhood.
I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but a dog owner should not only pick up after their pet if it relieves itself in someone else’s yard, but also if it defecates in the middle of the street. For this particular owner, I understand, given the colossal nature of the droppings, it might be an inconvenience to pick them up, but a couple bags and a few bicep curls are all you’d need to take care of the mess. A small wagon and shovel would also be an option for hauling and disposing of the refuse.
To conclude, I hope this letter serves as a reminder to please pick up after your dogs wherever they relieve themselves. Not only is it inconsiderate and unhygienic, but also against city code. For the owner of the culprit-at-large in our neighborhood, I ask that you please pick up after your pet like so many responsible pet owners do.