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The crystal ball has been found

Not that you keep track, but you may have noticed that my end-of-the-year predictions were limited and timid. Now I can tell you the reason -- I couldn't find my crystal ball and I get nervous when I'm skating on thin ice all by myself. As it tur...

Not that you keep track, but you may have noticed that my end-of-the-year predictions were limited and timid. Now I can tell you the reason - I couldn’t find my crystal ball and I get nervous when I’m skating on thin ice all by myself. As it turns out, the crystal ball got hidden behind the wrappings and confusion of Christmas. Two years ago we received a gift of a Christmas fruit cake. We did what most people do who get fruit cakes - we kept it for a year, then rewrapped it and gave it away to somebody else. Then - guess what? This year the fruit cake was sent back by the people who forget it was us who gave it to them in the first place. Well, the crystal ball was lost somewhere behind that fruit cake where it might have never been found for another year except that it started flashing with an original - not limited and not timid - forecast for 2015.

Now the vision of 2015 is crystal clear and here it is.

WRIST MONITORS: Now that you can wear a wrist monitor that tells you your heart beat, blood pressure, calories, exercise pattern (how many steps you take), hours of deep sleep, etc, some guy is going to work on an entirely new wrist monitor that measures and charts love, kindness, generosity, fairness and truth. But it will never work because the monitor for those factors, when it does work, is built in. When 2015 ends and there is no new love and kindness wrist monitor you will know the crystal ball works.

JOE MAUER: Joe Mauer, the hometown golden boy of the Minnesota Twins, was American League batting champion in 2006, 2008 and 2009. He played in All Star games in 2006, 2008, 2009 and 2010. He had a lifetime batting average of .328 when he signed an eight year contract in 2010 for $184 million. That’s $23 million a year. In 2014, Mauer missed 42 games, batted .277 and hit four home runs. Since his performance was 15.5 percent below par, Joe will refund $3.56 million (15.5 percent of $23 million) to the Twins for his disappointing performance. Great idea Joe - ask the Twins to give it to a charity of your choice.

SNOWBIRDS: Snowbirds in California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas and Florida will be bored stiff in January, February, March and half of April in 2015 because they are missing the realities of Minnesota and North Dakota: cool, fresh air, basketball, volley ball, hockey, young friends, children, the church choir and community life. They will all deny being bored. When they get back, ask them if they were bored and when they deny it, the accuracy of this prediction will be proven.

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RUDE TREATMENT: You will be subjected to at least one incident of rude treatment every month of the year by some spouse, relative or friend who will have his or her nose stuck in a smart phone rather than talking to you - located three feet away. After a while, the rude habit will make rude necks look like goose necks.    

NEW LIFE FOR OLD TV’s: Old vacuum tube TV’s cannot be donated or even taken to a recycling center without paying a disposal fee. Even though they still work, they’re being replaced by flat screen models, especially after Christmas. In the next 12 months, some American genius will develop an invention to make the old boob tubes into a new cutting edge electronic device. No more dumping old TV’s.

INSTANT REPLAY IN CHURCH: In-creasingly, churches are using high-tech audio-visual equipment to enhance the worship experiences with slides, videos and sound. In 2015, instant replay and slow motion will be added to highlight weddings, baptisms, and other dramatic moments. These features will not be included in funerals until 2016.

MAC AND CHEESE: Macaroni and cheese have come back as favorite meal choices, especially for kids. In 2015, three new flavor ingredients will be added to mac and cheese: cappuccino, juicy fruit and peanut butter.

The crystal ball appeared to have many more visions of what 2015 will reveal, then suddenly, after just these seven, it clouded up and went dark. If and when it clears up, you will see more of the future in the column.

Tweets by @DLNewspapers

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